


something lucky

by imaginedecember



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 07:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginedecember/pseuds/imaginedecember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s something about scars and how life isn’t easy that makes you and Joel Heyman fit together like strange puzzle pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	something lucky

**Author's Note:**

> There are mentions of anxiety in this story so if you are someone who easily gets triggered from talks about anxiety, then don’t read this. And it’s from my own personal experiences with it so bare with me here. There is also swearing just in case you don’t like that either.

"God…fucking."

"Joel?"

Your voice was soft, hopefully a soothing enough tone where the man on the couch would calm down. But there was barely any such luck when it came to Joel Heyman. 

"This is one of the times where I just…where everything just…god…fucking…I just-."

His words cut off abruptly due to an invisible force pushing them back into his brain. You peered over at him. Your eyes stared at the way his cheeks flushed and his fingers twitched. You wondered if he was stressing himself near death with the way that he was swimming in a hoodie again. Everything about his rigid posture screamed for help.

"Joel, just process your words a bit more then tell me. I want you to get it out of your system but you need to calm down first."

You prayed that your words would be enough but you knew that no matter their weight, you had to do something else to calm the quivering man on the couch. 

Then his eyes met yours. Usually they shimmered with vivid color like that huge smile of his. Any other day and you would have pressed a kiss to his smiling cheeks but now was not the time for that. 

His eyes were begging this time. You saw the signs during the earlier podcast. He had smiled at his friends, laughed with them even but it did not overflow with sincerity. As soon as he gave that smile, it had dropped like a nuclear bomb. And now you were waiting for the aftershock. 

But the aftershock never came. Only silence. You knew it might have been the end of Joel if not for one single touch of your hand. Your fingers traced the tattoo imprinted into his skin. You could almost feel the ghost of his scar there. 

Scars. 

You thought the poor man was made of them. You had once been a fan, watched from the sidelines as Joel became enveloped with stresses and enough worries to make any normal human give up. But that was the thing about Joel. You could not see it then for you only saw him through a screen or in passing at conventions but now you knew. 

Joel might be made out of scars but it was not only his weakness but his strength. Scars made him stronger, made a barrier around him. Yet the scars were fighting back. And it seemed that the only person that remotely could detect when the scars became more like poison and not an afterthought wondered about in the dead of night was you. 

The other men at the company saw it all with their own eyes. They saw every little detail but you still remained, on this couch like every other time when there was a podcast that he was on or something else stressful. You still remained close but not close enough because it was the scars that were holding Joel back. They were making him blind. 

"You have to talk to me, Joel. One of these days…," you trailed off and for once, you felt just one tiny bit of what Joel felt whenever he became too embarrassed to finish a sentence. "One of these days, I won’t be able to be here and no one will know what to do. One of these days, you’re gonna explode."

What you wanted to add was that you did not want to see Joel succumb. Succumbing meant ending it all and it only truly ended the ability for it to get better. You knew how that felt, to feel like there was nothing left to do but to succumb but would Joel see the analogy? Would Joel see that you understood? That every time you saw his hands shake and disturb the atmosphere with their abrupt movements whenever he was screaming about something he was passionate about or just plain old screaming at something you understood the feeling?

"Listen, Joel."

You paused then, your words hanging in the air. Your fingers dug at his knuckles, which were so much bigger than your tiny hands. You could feel the bone underneath, reminding you that Joel was alive. He wasn’t exploding just yet. You still had time to do something. 

"I understand what you go through. You may think I’m lying but…I sacrifice a lot when I drive here everyday. It hurts me to drive anywhere really. Driving isn’t safe. Turning left isn’t safe. Cars aren’t safe. Drivers can’t control themselves. It’s this weight, this anxiety and worry that eats at me. It’s that thing in the back of my mind that gives me all of these terrible end scenarios and I can’t help but put the keys back on the table and refuse to drive anywhere. 

But that’s too easy, now is it? It’s just too easy to succumb but if it was easy then we wouldn’t have life, would we? You have to understand, Joel, that when you’re swimming in worry, you have to find a light. Whatever that light is, go towards it. Whatever calms you down, submerge yourself in it. Don’t let yourself succumb to all those thoughts. They’ll eat you away until the day you die.”

Your words became louder by the end of your ramblings. Your hand lifted from his suddenly scorching skin. You turned your head slightly to the left, away from his seeking eyes. You could feel them roam across your body. The reason as to why left you a bit befuddled and you could not help but feel those nagging thoughts gnaw at your brain. 

He’ll scream at you. 

He’ll tell Burnie that you’re trouble.

He’ll tell Burnie that your potential at the company was a lie and that you don’t deserve anything.

But then you feel the weight of his large hand on yours. His calloused fingers tapped at the bones in your knuckles, much like you did to him earlier. Except this time, it soothed the both of you. 

"I think I found my something." His words were clear with barely a hint of a single tremble coating his tongue. "Why do you think I let you drive here and stay here past the time your needed?"

His fingers skittered past your knuckles. They moved upwards to the tip of your ears. You almost giggled at the feel of his nails scratching at your earrings. He toys with them for a few seconds before tucking a strand of hair behind the curve of your ear. 

"I don’t think I mind staying, Joel," you whispered. The weight of your words was nonexistent as you felt him nod against your shoulder. 

"Thank you. How about I drive you home this time?"

And you couldn’t be more happy to get in a car with him and drive. You would drive anywhere with Joel Heyman because with one look, the both of you knew exactly what the other was feeling. It was worrisome jumping into something. It was nerve wracking to move from something comfortable to something permanent. But that was the thing. With certain people, you just gravitate towards them. They’re your other half, the one who understands. In the end, there’s just something lucky in the way Joel Heyman fits perfectly with you.


End file.
